Saturday, May 14, 2011

Cast of Caracters and Zombie Relations

I have nothing ready. So as everyone knows when you have nothing to say about international affairs you talk about zombies. So I whipped up this fun little piece. You just might laugh. 

Funny scenario. Admittedly Zombie enthusiasts might say this is about an alien invasion (I made that up because I have no idea).

The zombies rise. Eat human brain and spit it out! They eat animal brains instead. These have fewer toxins and most of these zombies are from a simpler time. Humans don't slaughter them like the Neanderthals for some odd reason. (On a side note many are actually undead skeletons and have a huge beef with the way they are depicted in pop culture.) A state by state analysis.

In the US they go directly to the back of the bus. It is the American way! They will to start with negative value. Then work up to zero sum (you versus us). Then the understanding that we can all discriminate equally and money is more important then our differences will take hold. As long as they accept that America is exceptional!

In China they are tested and evaluated and their skills put to use. Because they are undead many will work in the military and hydro power plants so if there is a flood they can continue to work on the problem.

In Russia they will be discriminated against and encouraged to move to Siberia where many will be frozen because they have no internal heating mechanism.

In Iran they will be taught about imperialism and encouraged to reach out to there brethren for support in the struggle for the respect they deserve.

In Israel they will be informed that they are long lost relatives and they must stand united against all who wish to destroy them.

In India they will be informed of the intricacies of partial-semi-quasi neutrality and cautiously absorbed.

In Pakistan they will go to meeting after meeting being told that they can't trust the last person they met.

Normal scenario.

In the US the military said it could do nothing since it was busy taking over the world (In an unprecedented act one high ranking general marched to congress to give a short speech. He said “You people suck!” and resigned). The American people and homeland assets respond well. Every fifth house had someone with a beer and a shot gun waiting while disposal sites were set up. Begrudgingly these "folk" went and saved the cities before very many starved. Also a mild problem extended the outbreak unnecessarily. People were exposed post elimination while taking photos with the zombies. This caused elevated loses due to lack of military assets along with the unfortunate photo issues.

In China the military leads and the people are ordered to stay indoors and a swift operation eliminates them. Elevated losses were due to lack of civilian participation.

In Russia the military's decision to both change its defensive posture while activating its civil defense strategy caused confusion however the people quickly act. Elevated loses were due to the slow military response and the Russians desire to beat the zombies to death with their fists contaminated some.

In Iran they are declared an evil imperialist creation and struck down. After very low loses they celebrated by chanting and then mourned for the zombies.

In Israel they were declared anti-semetic anti-zionist evil undead terrorists and struck down. Very low losses were incurred, however mentally they were very distressed by the notion that the dead were out to get them.

In India after attempts at containment fail the Indians eliminate the zombies. Elevated were losses do to loss of time with attempted containment.

In Pakistan the problem is overcome though both military and civilian efforts. Low initial losses. However elevated losses came later due to persistent rumors over the cause of the zombies that led to fighting, no undead involved.

Fun Fun....